… And I am not a fiction writer. Seriously, the thought of penning a novel bores the ever loving daylights out of me.
Not once have I ever wrote a piece of fiction that has amounted to more than a pile that my dog has left in the yard. I wrote a short story once in high school to submit to the literary journal and I found it about two years ago. It was more horrendous than I remembered and further sealed my decision that I will always write about what I know….
… And I know I have no imagination.
That being said, I have decided to participate in my own way since I have written crap to speak of lately and I am finding my life a little stagnant.
So… I will be writing a post for each day this month with a mini-post to a link. Yes, I know I am already 5 days behind. Back off, things have been crazy. It is because of that you will have some days with multiple posts until I catch up.
The ultimate goal is to have 30 full posts and 30 mini-posts by midnight on November 30th.
Will it be 50,000 words? Who the hell knows? I may get lucky and hit that mark but it is not my ultimate goal as blogs that go on endlessly in one post make me want to shoot myself in the head… Or babysit toddlers… Both are hell as far as I am concerned.
I got some of the most wonderful presents for my birthday this year. One of which was a box of band-aids that had rainbows and unicorns on them. Now, as my friends know… Rainbows and Unicorns pretty much get me more excited than my dog when the gate gets left open.
As they also know, I am extremely accident prone and try to hurt myself on a regular basis. So regular in fact, that when I was in college I was working in the cafeteria my freshman year, there was the “# Days Without an Accident” sign and a “# Days without Spring Having an Accident” sign.
I think it was my bosses way of saying that he was keeping track of my sprains and cuts.
Happily, I was finally able to use my birthday bad-aids this last week due to running into a broken bleacher at GirlSpawn’s All-Star practice. I even wore shorts to work so I could let my freak flag fly and wave my unicorn band-aid around to my fellow co-workers.
I had to ditch the band-aid today because the wound now looks like the Eye of Sauron…
Bring me the Ring…..
Real quick: Super disappointed that Cee Lo did not have his kitteh on last night’s show. Nothing cracks me up more than him stroking that kitteh with his T-Rex arms.
Photo: Art Streiber/NBC
On the upside, he was wearing red satin pajamas.
Okay, I admit, this was not accomplished alone. It most definitely takes two people to weave raw bacon into a sweater for a raw chicken. The boyfriend was more than happy to help me accomplish this amazing feat with very little convincing since it did involve bacon after all. It is not often that I say, “Hey look at what I found on the Interwebz! We should totally do this!” and he replies with, “That’s a great idea!” Our conversations go more like this:
Him: We should get a ferret.
Me: Ferrets stink.
Him: But they are so cool.
Him: Okay… Can I get a segway?
*The ferret and the segway conversations have happened on many occasions but not always together.*
So yeah, there we were wrapping our chicken in bacon but we were hard core. There would be no toothpicks to secure our bacon to the chicken so the layering of bacon had to be to the utmost of perfection.
In it's raw and lovely state
I think we pretty much nailed it.
I have to confess that in my excitement to feast on this beauty bacon-chicken, there are no after pictures. I do, however, still have “after” heart burn. The bacon grease that was in the bottom of the pan fried the bottom of the chicken as well, making the entire bird taste like bacon.
The verdict? Bacon-wrapped chicken is pretty cool if you have some time on your hands or really want to impress Aunt Ida at the family reunion/potluck/speed dating, but I don’t know if I would attempt it again unless I had an extra pound and a half of bacon laying around that I can’t put to better use…. but yes, Virginia, you can wrap a chicken in bacon.
Oh look! They shoved my entire weekend in a nutshell!
Well, it did seem that short.
It was GirlSpawn’s birthday on Friday… She turned the big 1-1! Much celebration was made and gifts were given but not to excess. I do find myself incredibly jealous of her Kindle Touch but that is because I love gadgets and I have yet to have one. In fact, I find myself waffling every day.
Purchase a Kindle Fire… Don’t purchase a Kindle Fire… Order one online… go to local retailer and buy one… Do I really need a Kindle Fire? I have a laptop and a smart phone… the screen is small on my smartphone… the laptop seems so big compared to the Fire…
This has gone on for months. It resembles the iPhone debate of 2009/2010 that ended with my purchasing a refurbished iPhone that I also applied my phone upgrade from my service provider.
I no longer have the iPhone.
Thus you see why I am questioning the Kindle Fire. This internal debate cannot last long however since my father has threatened to buy me one for my birthday (well, threatened me not to buy one before my birthday).
Can I wait that long? Will I continue to waffle? Will I just say screw it and start hefting around hardbacks from the discount bin at B&N?
Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
I am sure that rainbows, glitter, and unicorns come from somewhere… Possibly from the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory. The Gene Wilder one, not the Johnny Dep one. I am sure the Johnny Dep one creates much darker (but I am sure just as lovely) things.
I am also sure that he puts nuts in all his chocolate knowing full well that some people don’t like nuts in their food. Despite my ever-growing cynicism, I have to believe that there are magical places like this in the world… Even if only in my imagination.
Courtesy of davelandweb.com/
And if my arguement is not enough to convince you, just watch the following video and decide if it would be completely natural for a unicorn (or pink llama with a horn) to be cruising around this place and drinking from a river of chocolate.
Willy Wonka (HD) “Pure Imagination”
Yeah… Exactly what I thought.
This. This is wonderful and needs to be happening in my back yard.